I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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