Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
