I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
