Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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