that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
