thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
