K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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