I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
