just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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