he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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