everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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