I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
