and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
