It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
