Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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