Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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