My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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