I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
