she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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