just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
