Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Fuck appropriateness.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's the barista slut.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
