remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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