Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
