Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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