i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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