Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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