if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
