I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
