when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
