I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
