Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i have two assholes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
