All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to have your abortion
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
