I wannas sexs uuuuu
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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