The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
