best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
