So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
