The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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