i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
