you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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