if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
