I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
