I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
