I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
