if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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