i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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