I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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