We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
