im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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