were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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