I wish I could teleport
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
