i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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