she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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