My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
